it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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