well you can't waste a boner
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
