nut hugger
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
