Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
