no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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