Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
