im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What drink are we having for lunch?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
