JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Two words: blizzard sex
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
