I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
