i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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