i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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