I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
