In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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