I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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