just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
