I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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