Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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