I like my sex mixed with concussions.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
