apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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