chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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