You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
