I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
