I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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