youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
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I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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