Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
