I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
