Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
