I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
