yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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