My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.