Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
