remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.