I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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