I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
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Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
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You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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