How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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