Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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