Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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