So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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