At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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