come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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