I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
