it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
