Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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