oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i used baking grease as lip gloss
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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