Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.