I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.