And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.