I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
