I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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