Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
