You can't special order awesome
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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