is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
