gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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