I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
