I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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