well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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