I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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