If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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