Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
