I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
