And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
