ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
