Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
