I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
