Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
