they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
